March 9, 2021

19. Creating supports your way... | Julie Falcone

19. Creating supports your way... | Julie Falcone

This week’s guest is so fun and fantastic. We spoke with Julie Falcone, she wrote the book (literally) on creating positive relationships with those around you all while being honest and pure, with a little humor thrown in. For caretakers sometimes life can get lonely and support can dwindle fast, Julie talks with us about how she found a way to communicate with those around her and take some of the pressure off. This is a must-listen for any parent or caretaker. Parenting is tough, let’s not make it any harder! 

Julie Falcone is a mother of four children ages ranging from 15 to 9 in the trenches. With one neurotypical daughter and three sons diagnosed with ADHD, autism, sensory processing disorder, anxiety, depression, and oppositional defiant disorder, she has spent more than a decade educating herself on these disorders and the treatments that go with them.

 Julie advocates for mothers raising kids newly diagnosed with ADHD and high functioning autism as a consultant, is a Court Appointed Special Advocate for the Delaware County Family Court System to ensure children in the foster system are having their needs met, a contributor to numerous special needs blogs and podcasts as well as writes her own blog and runs a special needs Facebook page, as well as publishing her first book, DEAR LOVED ONES: An Honest Guide to Helping the Special Needs Family You Love. 

 She is open, honest, and real about what raising children with neurological disorders and mental illnesses is like and believes that by allowing people to meet her imperfect family, other mothers will feel less alone and more confident in their parenting journey. 

Julie has experienced the highs and lows of raising special needs kids and has made it her mission for fellow mothers to be valued, seen, and understood.
facebook: @juliefalconeauthor
Instagram: Julie.q.falcone

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This week's guest is so fun and fantastic. We spoke with Julie fel cone. She wrote the book literally on creating positive relationships with those around you, all wellbeing, honest and pure with a little humor thrown in for caretakers. Sometimes life can get lonely and support can dwindle fast.

[00:00:20] Julie talks with us about how she found a way to communicate with those around her. And take some of the pressure off. This is a must listen for any parent or caretaker. Parenting is tough. Let's not make it any harder. Burson gentlemen.

[00:01:21] you know, guys, my life is hectic working. Full-time from home virtual homeschool, podcasting, and really just being an awesome mom and wife. Grocery shopping is the last thing I want to do. I'm not ashamed. No, I'm proud to say I rely heavily on Instacart to deliver fresh groceries to our home. Instacart delivers in as fast as one hour.

[00:01:43] I even get a personal shopper to get all of my favorite groceries. So I know it's always right. Right now, Instacart is offering our listeners free delivery on their first order, over $35. By following the link in our show notes, you are helping support our show as well. And isn't that just a win-win win

[00:02:05] ladies and gentlemen. Welcome back today. We have Julie fel cone writer of dear loved ones. Thank you for joining us, Julie. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for having me. I'm real excited about this episode. I think I say that about every episode in the beginning, but I am excited about all of our guests when they come and I get like antsy to talk to everybody.

[00:02:29] I'm a little excited because I wrote all these questions myself and he did the prep time. I did the research. Thanks. So when this all goes, Terrible. It's my fault. Then I'm going to take all the credit too, but at least, you know, I started off from a low, so we can only hold go high for me. You're funny.

[00:02:50] Low expectations is literally I think how I live my life and you can never be disappointed. Yeah. You can't go wrong then. Right. So exactly Julie teller audience, you know, we like to start off a little bit about you. So tell us a little bit about you. Where are you from originally? So I'm from right outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

[00:03:14] Um, and my father was a firefighter, so we were kind of like right out, we had to be in the city, but we couldn't, you know, we didn't want to be in the city. So we're just a little bit outside. Yeah. Um, and I have a older brother and an older sister. So it was, um, a lovely family of five. What's it like growing up with a father?

[00:03:39] Who's a firefighter. It seems like I have a couple of friends whose husbands are firefighters. And I think what a different dynamic that must be. I w I was always, really thought it was cool and proud. Like, you know, Oh my dad's a firefighter, you know? Um, we could even sometimes if there were, if there were fires in the area, we would drive.

[00:04:00] Oh, cool. To watch him. Which was kind of neat slash scary, but really, really neat. Um, but for the most part, all, all it meant for us is he would sleep all day for a six o'clock shift or vice versa. He'd be coming in it's, you know, eight o'clock in the morning. Um, and then he was a real estate agent on his days off.

[00:04:24] So it was kinda like four on four off. Yes. So he has, he was, has always been busy and, but it, it was neat. Like one time I saw him driving the fire truck to the grocery store because the fire, because they, the station needed lunch meat. Oh. Because with Jen, this was, Oh my God. Oh, I get late. I'm getting excited.

[00:04:46] Oh, he was like, Oh, be honest. Like real man, even real man, like look up. To fight. Like I look up to firefighters like those guys are sorry. Amazing. It's just like, I, yeah, I'm jealous. And it's so funny because like my dad smoked and I swear to God, he fell asleep with a lit cigarette by the bed. You know what I mean?

[00:05:05] Like the worst with that stuff. And we'd be like, but I think because he was old school, that's like, I think that's very old school firefighter. Like they all smoked, you know, it's just imagine his lungs, right? Like. Dad. I don't understand. I can't, it must've been all those fires that he was like, uh, no, no, my, my, my great-grandfather was a firefighter here in the area and he was like known by everyone and he lived to be a hundred or 99, but we told him he was a hundred.

[00:05:35] Cause he really wanted to make it that far. But we always said like he was a firefighter for so long. How. You lived to be 99 and then there are people like never smoke a day in their life will do everything. Right. It's just so you know, you can't, you just have to live your life and enjoy your life. And I think that's what my dad is.

[00:05:54] My dad. He will. He always says I work hard and I play hard and he will be the one that outlives 100%. He will live out, live everybody. Yeah. Yeah. So you grew up in Pennsylvania and you're still in Pennsylvania now. So you kind of, that's your home base? Only like 25 minutes from, from where I grew up. Oh, fun.

[00:06:14] Um, yeah, so we, you know, so we didn't go very far. That's fun. Then you said you have three, you have two other siblings. So, yes, my brother's the oldest. He's six years older than me. And then my sister is three years. After him. And then three years later was made. They were very on 0.3 or gaps. Perfect. Like perfect.

[00:06:35] Perfect. Perfect. Did you do that? How old are you? Where is your four year gap? That's just one year too far. We got set off. No, we got set off course, but it, for years, I I've now realized as, especially as they're getting older, it's just one year. Too far of a gap because they need totally separate things all the time.

[00:06:56] Yeah. Oh, they're completely different phases, different things. Even from the day one, like when, when my son was born, my daughter was four, so they didn't want to really, she didn't really want to play with him. She wasn't into the same types of things. I couldn't put them in front of the same cartoons. I couldn't, there was just never, and still to this day, she's, you know, she's in middle school and she, she's not really into it.

[00:07:17] And he's nine and he's ready to go and play and move. And they're just. They just always need different attention, different everything. So now looking back, I'm like either a little bit closer, a little bit further. Okay. That's interesting because we had ours, ours are two years apart. That's perfect. And that's what we thought that was our plan.

[00:07:40] And. I think it's too close. You close a little too close. I mean, I think we were in survival mode for a while in the, in the younger, so like, I think like, Oh, maybe I think for you might be right. Three years might be it. That makes sense. So, because I feel like two years, like you're, it's almost like you're never out of diapers two years.

[00:08:01] Is there like. They're able to gang up. Cause they do like the same things for just enough time to create a comradery. Three years is like one's phasing at once phasing out while the other one's just getting started. So it's enough where they're like, we enjoy this, but it's like, they're always on that cusp of like, we enjoy this, but I'm not going to enjoy that anymore.

[00:08:21] But they're like, okay, well, and then you have like a month in between them. The other one starts up with the new thing. The other one's getting out of. And you can have different friends at three years. Like my sisters were never my friends. They want to know parts of me, but these guys, they can have the same friend groups, which can be an issue at times, you know?

[00:08:40] And I can't hang out with all my friends because Tommy's telling everybody, you know, that about me wetting the bed yesterday, right? Yes. And it's not that, and it's not, we're not at the point where they're sticking up for each other. It's more than competing. Yes. Yeah. So interesting years now we know. Yes.

[00:08:58] I know that I'm too late. I'm done. So we be trying that again. I was like, ah, we got the cards were dealt, whatever. So we would have had more really, I think, I think my plan was five, but you get what you get for a reason. And our youngest made, it, made the decision for us. It was like, you got it. We're right.

[00:09:22] Um, I can't, I'm not ready, not ready, not ready. And then that kind of made the decision for it. So same thing, you get what you get that's up, you know? Yeah, no, we got to, and that's all we're getting. I made that decision. Well, we can, we get faster? We're not talking about this on another episode. I'm literally just, yep.

[00:09:43] Oh my sister's the same way I thought I was going to love babies forever. I'm a baby girl. Oh, see, I was in love. Everything baby. And I just thought my uterus was going to constantly crave this how old I get, but I was surprised when it did shut off and shut off. Like I. Like, I don't really even want to necessarily, like, I, I want to hold your new baby, but I don't need to eat your baby.

[00:10:07] So funny. I actually say that to like people when they're like, I don't really know. I'm like, listen, you know how I knew? Cause I'm not really a baby person, but with both my kids, I was like, this is so great. I love being pregnant. I love it all. And I said, you know how I knew I was done when I saw someone else's baby.

[00:10:23] And I was like, that's cute. I love it. It's, I'm happy for you, but I don't really want to like help you change the diaper or feed it, or I'm not. I'm out of that. Now, Eddie, on the other hand, he's like the person you meet those people who just keep fostering cats and keep taking in cats from the shelter.

[00:10:40] That's Eddie. No, no, but if you, if you could do that with children, Yeah, technically he would just open our doors and say, do you need a place to stay right here? Come here. Oh, I love that. No, I'm more like that. Um, but my husband is, he's really good. He's like really good at boundaries in general. Like all of them.

[00:11:04] And like, even what is it when you, when you know, when to stop eating, you have like, what is it like a certain discipline? He has that in every part of his life. And I am the opposite of that. So he knows how to shut me down. Cause um, I could see me being like, what does everyone need? All we need is love everyone type of thing.

[00:11:25] That's so funny. I have that too though. Like I have like. I have like, cause that's, that's all I want to do is like take care and teaching late, but I do have that reservation where it's like, okay, there is a fine line. Like I can only do so much help if I'm like making, you know, like still staying in control and staying on top and making sure that we like take care of everything.

[00:11:47] That's the big thing. We also are very conscious. Like we, we started young, so we had our kids young and we didn't really get that like whole honeymoon time for the two of us to like travel or do whatever. So I think what always turns around and comes back to us as we're like, Oh, very soon we can just leave these children and go do things like we even can do it now a little bit.

[00:12:09] Our daughter can babysit and we can go have it. You know, we can go to the bar and have an appetizer and I'm like, we're dating again. This is amazing. And so we're like, every time that happens, we're like, okay, Well, it's only going to get better when they're gone. I know, you know how everyone says like, Oh, enjoy this.

[00:12:25] You don't realize how good it is. And I, and for awhile I was like, shut it. No, you're forgetting how hard it is. And now it's weird. I say like, is it weird that I am jealous of my 75 year old parents? Yep. No, I get it. Are you alone in this, that house? And like it's always clean and always clean. Oh my God, that's going to be my favorite part.

[00:12:49] Sit in, quiet and calm. So tell us how you're connected to the disability slash special needs community. So, um, apparently I had ADHD growing up, but I didn't know that we didn't know that. So, um, my oldest son has, is diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and depression, and he was diagnosed. I want to say, um, it's been so long, but I want to say fourth grade, we started to notice some things kind of went down that way.

[00:13:18] We started to notice my second son, Matthew, he is diagnosed with anxiety. Depression, sensory processing. What am I missing? Did I say anxiety, ADHD, um, oppositional defiant disorder. I think that's all of them. They all kind of go together. I feel like a lot of the time there. Right. And Lucy is not diagnosed with anything.

[00:13:45] It's funny. We wait, if she just happens to forget her water bottle, we're like. Did she lose it? Yeah. Do you think she's really here? And then my youngest is Chris and he is on the spectrum. He has ADHD and anxiety and sensory processing. Um, and so it's interesting. My youngest, his right out right from birth, we knew that he was, he was very different.

[00:14:15] He was so much more needy. He. It was an unbelievable, what it ended up being was it's almost like an attachment disorder where he couldn't be without me to the point, like he thought I was like an arm and with, he couldn't live without his arm. So, and we had three kids by that point, we had this down. So to have this infant who was not like, like we, we would go out to dinner and the babysitter would call and say, you have to come home.

[00:14:44] I mean, and we would leave the house and I would say things like, listen, if there's a fire, get them out, that's it. We're just paying you to get them out. If there's a fire, you don't have to, you know, right. Don't worry about trying to, to, to get them to bed or do anything. And, um, we couldn't, we couldn't make it work.

[00:15:03] So he was pretty obvious from the get go. My, um, Gabriel was in fourth grade and. He started to hate school all of a sudden. And he started, it was so interesting. He started to. I can't believe this is my life. I'm going to be in school, then I'm going to get a job. It was very like, Oh my gosh.  yeah, yeah. I, what it is, you know, but in fourth grade it is terrible, stay younger.

[00:15:33] So we started to notice with him like, huh. Um, and he was really, he was really good about verbalizing his feelings. So. He went from depressed to, you know, thinking about hurting himself. And so with him, it was like, ER visits out of fear. And, um, and then ADHD came in, but I didn't know that at the time, because, because he didn't have an issue with school work, great students, like it was more, um, so his came out first as depression.

[00:16:06] That's how we kind of figured. We got it. That's how we kind of got in the Dr system. Right. Um, and my Matthew, my second, he was impulsive and angry, very angry. Um, I don't know. He used to be a dreamboat and then like he was young, um, something switched and he got very angry, very impulsive, and he was hard to please.

[00:16:33] Um, and then. He would hit, it was just extremely impulsive. And, you know, I don't know. I don't know what that is. There's something really wrong. We have to get him to therapy. And then, then one therapist finally said, Oh no, that's ADHD. He needs to, he needs to go see somebody for diagnosis ADHD. No, no, he doesn't have focus issues.

[00:16:55] I never even heard of this impulsive side of ADHD or, you know, um, So his game out in such a different way, he was just getting that energy. He's just trying to get that energy out of his body. Yeah. Yes. And I think he was so unhappy and he didn't know why. Right. Like, why am I not able, like to, just to stick to, to here for two yeah.

[00:17:18] Control my body or control. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. We've got one of those. Yeah. So his came out and. In anger. Um, and then Christopher's, he was like a wild child like this, I don't mean this to sound negative, but he was like a wild animal. Um, who would just, when he was angry, he would hit an animal. And yell and grunt and everything, and kind of crawl all over me.

[00:17:44] I mean, you would look, I would look like I came out of a, a fight, um, even as a little kid and when he was, if he didn't want to talk, he didn't talk. And that was like, he, he was very obvious. It was very obvious. So we kind of got into the hole to be honest. I think we got into the whole real middle of the community with Chris.

[00:18:05] Yeah. I was going to ask, is that where it started was with your youngest? It's weird. Like I said, they were all different grades, but Christopher's was so obvious that we kind of went with him first. Now, do you, I mean, do you think, like, I know, I feel like I was suspect kind of been a common thing we've heard, but do you think that that opened your eyes to be more receptive to hearing that any of your other kids might've needed some support?

[00:18:36] So it's interesting. We had Christopher in every therapy under the sun before he had most diagnoses, you know, I think he had like, um, because of the sensory processing, we had him in occupational therapy and all of that, we knew there were staff. We never even really like worked with the diagnosis with him.

[00:18:54] In the meantime, the older boys were getting their diagnoses. It's almost the opposite. When, when I took, when Chris was old enough, in my opinion, To, to be, to start thinking about and talking about medicine because it worked so well with my other boys. Um, I was kind of just waiting for him to grow to a certain age so I could take him.

[00:19:12] And when he was at and I was ready, Hey, this is what he has. He has ADHD anxiety, and this is what works well with them. They do really well on Ritalin. They do really well on a lot because, um, and so when they said, no, it's not ADHD, it's autism. That's where I feel like it was like halt screen. Yeah. And everything.

[00:19:37] My whole oddly it's like everything changed in that moment. I mean, um, ADHD. Sure. What do you need? What do you got? What do you, well, I was just going to say, like, it's funny, like, I mean, they're all real diagnoses. Like not to put any in, on a different pedestal or in a different level, but yeah. In the world of disabilities or special needs mental health falls, it almost seems like mental health seems to fall under one and autism or a physical disability or something, or even OCD falls in like another world where really it's all, we're EV they're all struggling.

[00:20:12] And these kids are all struggling. They all need the same support. Um, they all need therapies or whatever, but. Or even adults that are in that same world. But I feel like when you hit something, that's like, The ADHD has been talked about for so long now that it's just very like, Oh, that kid in school has got ADHD.

[00:20:30] Here's the medication let's move on and there's supports. And we have a classic way of handling that. Whereas autism is like this re and it's been so in the news and it's been, so it's like this real diagnosis, it hits you like a. Freight train. And you're like, Oh, where do we go? Now? This is all new. And there's so many supports.

[00:20:51] Sometimes it's almost too much. And yeah. And it's so true because with the ADHD piece in our house, it was very violent. There was a lot of violence and a lot of physicality. And to me, that was the hardest part. When I would say to my friends, Oh, yeah. You know, they have ADHD. Oh yeah. We all have ADHD. I don't know.

[00:21:13] I have a little ADHD. Right. And I'm, and I'm thinking, no, you're not getting it. Like when I shut the door, you don't realize what's happening. But then when I say, Oh, my youngest has autism. Oh dear God, God bless you. You know? And I'm thinking, well, he, he's not beating, you know, he's, he's, he's almost not struggling in the same way.

[00:21:35] It's not that. It, you know, yes, it's difficult for, you know, the physical stuff to be going on. But the hardest thing is to watch them, you know, you're watching, you're going they're in pain on some way. Whereas I feel like, and yes, there are kids with ASD who are struggling, who the struggle is even more real, right?

[00:21:55] There's there's this, it is a spectrum and the spectrum is huge. But I think when you're in that middle to high end of that spectrum, It's their functioning and they need some supports, but there it's easy as a parent to go, Oh, I see your need. And I can meet your need. Where, when I think when there's, you know, anxiety or depression or anything like that, it's like you're dressing and I'm in pain.

[00:22:20] And it's really hard to understand how to meet that need. Right. And it's such a different and you're right. Like, I feel like in the commute, in, in my, even like my friend group and my neighborhood and, and family, there is definitely a different weight put on every diagnosis. Yeah. I think, I think I leaned on the autism diagnosis.

[00:22:46] Right. Like, that's my start. Oh, Oh yes. I children want autism and eat because that's the one that Oh, has the most weight, but in reality, I think the ADHD. Yeah, my ass. Well, that's funny too, that you say it like that, like where if you're meeting someone and you're in the discussion and you start, and you're saying, if you say, you know, my youngest son is on the spectrum has ASD and then.

[00:23:12] You are labeling all of a sudden, it's like, wow, you have a lot going on. Whereas if you said, you know, a few of my kids have ADHD, they'd go, Oh, that must be tough. Are they on medication? And then we move on where it's funny. I think how society just happens to perceive things. And it's, I don't think it's at any fault of the person.

[00:23:34] I don't know why I always do this. I make an excuse for somebody who reacts a certain way, but I truly do think that like, No one's doing anything intentionally, but it is how society talks about things and how things are out there, even in the media. So people just react to in the way that they're used to hearing things.

[00:23:53] Right. And I think education is a big one. Like for instance, ADHD, if I were to read it on a page. Oh. Especially before, um, Oh, it's a focus thing. Okay. Wow. Yeah. So let's estimate medicine gets you back on track and get back into school and you'll be fine. Sometimes needed it almost gets put on the education side, like dyslexia, like, Oh, they have ADHD, they have dyslexia, let's put it on the education side.

[00:24:18] We'll just teach them differently. Right. And so that's what I think that's exactly it. Like they don't even, some people don't even know. But when I say my kid has ADHD, I mean, Shit's going down at my house, you know, like this isn't a focus thing at home, but again, I there's a lot that people don't know because.

[00:24:38] We shut our doors and I sure as heck wasn't shouting into the rooftops that my son was, you know, threatening me or whatever. Sure. You know, there's so much, I think that, that people don't know. Yeah. I, that, that, I think that for sure is the thing. I think that, you know, that's the key, I mean, we've talked to so many people and they talk about, you know, themselves struggling with ADHD or someone.

[00:25:02] That's related to them or their child. And like you had, like, when you had said, like, you know, and they suffer from anxiety and depression. I have not, I don't think we've talked to anybody. Who's who's got one without the others, because, well, you can have anxiety and depression. Right, but, and not have ADHD, but I've not talked to someone who has ADHD without anxiety, depression.

[00:25:24] And it totally makes sense when you really know what falls under that blanket. Right. You definitely have all three, maybe on different levels, but it's all there. And I think that when that happens, If the other two aren't talked about as in the circle, it's just like, Oh, that doesn't seem so bad. But then when you're like, you have no idea how much this child is strong.

[00:25:51] And as a child, you're still figuring out the world and how your brain works and how life goes. So you throw middle school, which is usually when kids get diagnosed into all of that. It's like, how are you expecting these kids to cope? Right. Well, it's interesting because. Um, growing up, I was diagnosed with depression all the way up and even, you know, all through college, I had depression.

[00:26:13] That's what I had. And then it wasn't until I was an adult. And I'm going to say like the last five years after going to therapy therapy therapy that wait, you have to, you have depression because you have unmanaged ADHD or yeah. And then it was like, wait, what. Oh, and then when I got the ADHD under control, guess what?

[00:26:33] You know, the depression took care of itself. So it really is so related. I know not to speak Freddie, but I know you can probably speak to that because you, Eddie recently was dying. Well, he was diagnosed younger, but recently just started meds. Oh, gosh, congratulations and welcome. Amazing. Congratulations to me.

[00:26:54] No, it is really good. Like I was self-medicating so it's like, I got my diagnosis when I was 13 and my 15 years old, I was just, self-medicating like smoking weed every day. And so, um, that it got a little bit, um, but then, then, you know, um, I needed something to do. Kind of, I feel like it figure it out. It was more aware to you when.

[00:27:24] The COVID happened. You're laid off. We were discussing, starting a business and we're home 24 seven together. Right. And I, at one point I just looked at you and I said, I cannot do this with you anymore. Like, I can't even have, we can't have a conversation. You're all over the place. And I feel like I have a third child and your anxiety.

[00:27:46] Through the roof. Yeah, it was puking every morning. It was sick every morning, going to work every day, he'd go to work. He'd be sick. And honestly, on a wife's perspective, you were pops like you, you liked E Oh yeah. Even after, but. You know, I've had two jobs, like I've been in two different places. That's, I'm very like, I'll do that.

[00:28:06] I'll work at the same place for 20 years. Like, but I feel like for you, you were always looking for something always. And so it was like, you would do a job you'd you would Excel at it and you were looking for the next step and you were looking for the next and you couldn't sit still. Yeah. Yeah. And it wasn't because you weren't, you weren't like bouncing around jobs and like being flaky, but you were just, you needed another challenge and needed to go and you need to go.

[00:28:25] And that was giving you anxiety. And then it just like, it was just like cycle, as soon as you started the meds, like day one, pretty much you came to me and you were like, yeah, My anxiety is almost gone. And I was like, that's one of those things where like, you can't even put that into words. Well, I don't even want to think about it.

[00:28:42] I mean, it's getting all anxious. You can't put that into words for people when you're like, you need to just try different things. Cause when you were 13, the medication you were taking that, I mean, the truth is it's made for adults. So you do have to try different things and see what works. And it was easy to say this doesn't work for me.

[00:29:00] I'm not using it. Right. And I'm not going to try anything else or because you're right. You have to go through a whole bunch of different ones. Yeah. I remember like when you were considering taking meds again, like again, I remember saying to you like, listen, these meds are made for adults. It will affect your brain different now than it did.

[00:29:17] Then you may feel differently taking it. And boy, like now I'll say it, like the doctor has said, like, you don't have to take it on the weekends, like feel free. And you're like, I'd prefer to just take it. Yeah. Yeah. I don't understand why you, Oh my God. I feel like if I don't take it. Like, I, I don't know if you have the time, I think, is it mental, but no, it's not like, it just feels better.

[00:29:42] You know what? Even if it is, even if it's a placebo effect, I just, or can't control. Yes. Well, it's funny. I would like to, I'm going to have to tell my husband all of this, because I have diagnosed him with anxiety for sure. And I just keep saying, Oh God, just get mad because it's breaking my heart. To see you like this.

[00:30:02] And he's like, no, I'm fine. I so hard for men too though. And I might do us all a favor. You know what though? Like that does roll right back into having children that have diagnoses or whatever, because I know for me as a mother, when we started going through everything with Eddie, I was a very, it was, I was very hesitant.

[00:30:22] I had so much anxiety dealing with everything going on. I was very hesitant to go on any medication. And I had actually, it was the person who like helps us with it was helping us with early intervention, come to me and be like, listen, it doesn't have to be a forever thing, but let's get you re it's almost like a cleanse for your body.

[00:30:40] Like you're just resetting, right. Let's get yourself. Be able to breathe again and let's get through this tunnel. And then if you want to, you can always come off of medication, but if you don't ever start it, where are you? Well, you know, it's so interesting because my number two, Matthew, when he had hit, he was like, it was almost like he was out of control.

[00:31:04] We blocked, we started to lose him. Right? Like he was going inward and. There was, I felt like I was, I literally was losing my connection and he didn't have a connection with anybody else. It was if I, if I was lucky if I got it. So when we started to really lose him, the doctor set up, I think what we need to do is put him on this mood stabilizer that has some pretty bad side effects, but I've seen where she used to reset.

[00:31:35] We need to reset him because he is. Really struggling. And so we put him on this med and listen, he did, he probably gained 60 pounds and in maybe six or seven months, and that was one of the big side effects. And that's huge. That's a big deal, but he was a completely different person on the inside too.

[00:31:58] Like he changed so much. Physically there was a negative, but I was willing to deal with that part later, because again, it wasn't was that reset. And now that it's been a little while he's off of it. Um, but it's exactly right. It worked so amazing. But again, I, if I would have been too nervous and too afraid and I didn't want, and I knew like my husband was having a really hard time with the idea of this little boy gaining so much weight.

[00:32:26] Um, but to me it was worth it, but yeah, so it is you're right. You don't have to stay on it forever. No, I mean, medication is scary, especially when you're thinking about giving it to kids, because the truth is like these medications are usually created for adults, adult brains, adult bodies. So it is really scary when you're considering.

[00:32:46] That jump. But, you know, I think that if you're just, if you're already scared, then you're already in the right place. So ahead of like mind space to go, okay, let me really logically think this through. Is this going to work for our family? You know, how can we do this? A moderation that will make everything work for everybody.

[00:33:03] If you're the parent that's already scared. Then you're already the parent, that's thinking about your kid, you know, the kids you're going to worry about are the ones that parents are like, I don't know. I don't care. Just give him maybe you want to give them right. Well, those are the kids who get in trouble with the pill.

[00:33:15] Yeah. Those are the kids who get in trouble. Yeah. I always say all the time, if you're going to take the medicine, then you got to do the therapy. Like, so yes, very important to me with the kids. And as they got older, the therapy was getting more and more annoying for them. Right, right. But I remember thinking I can't, I can't start this process with you unless you're talking to somebody at the same time to learn those skills, better tools, they need a toolbox, you know, one thing in your toolbox is your medication.

[00:33:43] Another thing in your toolbox is therapy. Another thing your toolbox is social. You know, getting out when people exercise, like these are all tools you're putting in a toolbox and you need to be using all of them. And I think exactly what you said. Like if you're teaching that to kids at a younger age, it's now becoming just what they do, right.

[00:34:03] It's the same as how they eat. If you're teaching kids to eat healthy, when they're little, they're just going to be healthy eaters as adults, they won't be picky eaters. I think it's the same concept. People don't really think of it that way. When they think of mental health, it's like give them all the tools they need from when they're younger and they're going to be healthier adults.

[00:34:21] Right. And it's interesting to see, like, so Matthew, now I can see him using. You know, I could see them getting angry and now you can see him using tools. Like if he goes up into his room and slams the door good for you. Because before he would have probably punched a hole for that door. So like, it's interesting to see that they, they still remember it.

[00:34:44] You know, mine has the base. I haven't been in therapy for a long time now. And, um, but there it's there. Yep. Yeah. And like, know, and like you said, like, I think the big thing is like the fact that you're even reinforcing that it's okay to slam a door. We all slammed doors. Instead of, I feel like if they're being taught that like you can have zero anger, everyone's got anger.

[00:35:03] We can't just say no anger. That's not teaching them anything. Right. It's just controls what we're saying. Yeah. But low expectations, right? That's what, yes. Low expectations. My expectations are so low. You didn't punch the door today. A lay Louie, let's go out for ice cream. I mean, for a while, that's how we did things and my husband is the opposite and he says, you know, Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you.

[00:35:32] He's very traditional. He was up in that way. And so it's very interesting. Well, we're training ourselves as parents as well, right? Like I think we're doing that on a regular basis. Just like you're working on. I feel like we neglect. How, I don't know how to say it. Like, you know, everywhere you hear, Oh, marriages work and you guys have to work.

[00:35:52] You always are working on it. And you're always changing together. And you know, and we do that in our marriage. We're constantly trying to like evolve and work on things. We forget that she's constantly asking me to change a lot. I'm constantly evolving. Yeah, totally great job. But I think as parents, the same thing, like we have to evolve ourselves as parents to our kids are.

[00:36:11] I mean, you can't be the same parent. When your kid is nine months as you are when your kid is 13. Yeah. You're just a different parent. And it's your responsibility as a parent to evolve. Just like you're making you have a relationship with your child and a commitment you have to work on that relationship with your child.

[00:36:29] Yeah, I agree. I think, I think it's very interesting. Is it, I say all the time, joking around with my husband and my cheese, you know, we've been in so much therapy. We are, you know, but I will have to remind him sometimes and say, okay, yeah, I'm the nagging wife who says, we're not gonna, we're not gonna yell yelling.

[00:36:51] Doesn't do anything. They don't hear you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. After I just yelled, usually I just yell and then I'm like, we're not going to yell at him. He's like, you just yelled at them. I'm like, I know, but now I realized it. So you need to,

[00:37:07] uh, my, um, My husband did a yelling thing. And Matt, uh, Matt came into my room and he's like, you know, dad's being a real jerk right now. I'm sure he had a really rough day. Whatever it may be. Dad comes in and says, I'd like to apologize for yelling. I shouldn't have yelled. My son goes, you know, after awhile, the apologies, just start to not matter.

[00:37:29] I mean, you really just have to change your actions. Oh, that was so adult and mature. I couldn't have been more proud. Yeah. And I was thinking exactly, but, but my husband was like, don't, you know? Yeah. Don't talk back to me. It's hard. I thought to myself, Matthew, that was so, yeah, it is hard though, to like, as a parent to know when.

[00:37:54] To step back and be like, okay, because you do, I feel like I know how we were raised. Yeah. But we were raised to be like, you respect your elders. You don't talk back. You know, I don't care if you think you're right. It's my words, last word. And so it's really difficult, I think, to shift. And I think there are still times that that applies, but I think it's difficult sometimes to shift and go.

[00:38:16] I have to look at this person, like, especially our oldest, like our daughter is so wise beyond her years, she speaks so intelligently sometimes better than we do. And so. I notice it mostly with like social she's manipulative, you're trying to open it. You're falling for it. You fell forced. She got you already.

[00:38:35] I mean, like when she talks about what she heard on the news or, and she'll, and I'll say, wow, that's just so mature and intelligent, and you're looking at all sides of the situation. And I wish I could be, but I think as adults we're just more jaded, right. We, we ha we're stuck in our ways and our brain is there and that's kind of where we go.

[00:38:54] Well, and, and to your point, now we can have those conversations, right? Like my son can, same thing. He'll come down. He'll now want to talk about when the, you know, in politics was going on and he wanted to talk about it. And it was great to be able to converse. Whereas growing up, I voted for who I voted for it because my dad told me who to vote for.

[00:39:13] Yeah, exactly. I didn't know one thing about anything and it didn't matter. So now we have those conversations that. That we weren't having before. And sometimes she teaches me things and I feel like I always like kind of giggle when she'll go somewhere and talk to someone else like that, like a family member or something.

[00:39:32] And then, you know, sometimes I think they think we've put those views in her mind and I'm like, you have no idea who this girl is like, she is teaching. She's constantly schooling us. And giving her. And sometimes I have to like rein her in. I'm like, okay, you're 13. You've never had any life experience. So yes, you can have some views, but you can't say your opinion is right, because you've not been there yet.

[00:39:55] Oh my God, dad, dad, do you really think? And I'm like, yeah, she, but she'll get there. And I think that the more, I think that her being like that is going to just make her more realm well-rounded adult. So I'm excited to see what she turns into. It's exciting. Yes. People are literally like talking. They can talk to adults and converse.

[00:40:17] Yeah. You know, like as opposed to I'm Mr. Mrs. So-and-so and then walking away, there's some adults that I feel I can't do that. So, yeah. And I w and I love like, I do love talking to having a good conversation with one of the kids, because no interesting. They're living in such a different world than we were for having sakes.

[00:40:36] Yeah. Yeah. Well, I want to get to your book, but I want to say one more thing about that, because that brings up a good point. You. I know we noticed this. Do you ever like, just do like a one-on-one with one of your kids? Cause like with, when we're one-on-one with them or like, wow, there's such a little person in there, but when they're together, I feel like they're competing for attention.

[00:40:55] And so we don't really get to see their full personality. So do you guys ever just do like a one-on-one with one kid and kind of get that personality out? So I used to, especially when they were younger, it was so important to me. I would do an hour. So with four kids and I did a one hour a week. In my head.

[00:41:12] I didn't tell them that, but one week I was going to do something at least spend time with one of them by themselves at four hours a week, I was like, I can do four hours a week and I can figure that out. Um, that was super important. And, and now with Amalia, yeah, with the, with the video games and stuff like that, I find now I, now I end up sitting next to them.

[00:41:33] I could care less about, I don't even know Minecraft. I don't understand this, but I will sit next to you while you play. And that's. Yeah. We're not even really talking, but that's okay. So it's so funny how it's changed. It used to be, let's go out for ice cream and now I'm sitting there. Yeah. You're like begging for their attention.

[00:41:48] Yeah. Please love me. So they see, what is the, is it a diamond sword? Did you mind that? How did you get that? I don't know anything that they're talking about ever. I go on about stupid stuff all the time. Different language. Yeah, for sure. I just try to learn just enough where I can ask stupid questions where it gets them frustrated, where they're like, you don't understand, see this, and then they go into the explanation.

[00:42:13] And then I gather all that information. So the next time I just use it against him when I'm playing and be like, Oh, well, why wouldn't you use the stupid diamond arrows? He's like, Dad, dad, it's always like, Oh, you're so dumb. It's just a game kid. You got catch up. I know. So you have, so you're, you've got all this going on with all four kids and a marriage.

[00:42:37] I'm sure. Also takes work. Where did you find time to write a book? So that's so interesting. I think when I was in fourth grade, I was going to be, um, I was going to be the youngest author. I felt like if I was 13, I was going to, I was going to publish my diaries so that, um, So that parents could read my diaries and be able to see what fourth grade girls, what a great idea actually to be.

[00:43:04] Yeah. I was supposed to be the youngest, you know, youngest writer that never happened. Um, and then, uh, as time went on and we all started to get, everyone started to get a little bit more manageable and we started to hit the roof. I think to be honest, it's almost as if I started the book. As almost like therapy because as I started to write it, Oh my God, I was in tears.

[00:43:30] And I kinda think I, it was so busy and so chaotic and crazy that I didn't get to live it. Like I didn't get to process any of it. So. The plan was, I was going to write this book for, for mothers who are raising kids with special needs, just to show that, you know, you're not alone. Right. And so that's the way I was writing this and I was writing these chapters and I forgot half of the stuff we had gone through.

[00:43:54] So. Um, writing. It was so amazing. I couldn't write fast enough, right? Yes. So cathartic, cathartic. Okay. It's the worst word. Yeah. I don't even know that word, so, yeah. Um, and then it kind of morphed into this. Wait a minute. Oh, now that I think about that, I remember when so-and-so. Told me to, you know, just, Oh, you know, I can make, I can make my kid do that.

[00:44:23] You just have to, you just don't discipline enough. Yeah. Just not hard enough. You have to show him who's boss. And then so little by little, when I was thinking about what we were going through, these little pieces of what everyone was used to say and what used to hurt. Um, so then it became, wait a minute.

[00:44:38] Let me tell, let me tell these other parents, these moms that they're not alone, but let me also give a little bit of insight too. Our friends and our extended family who they do not mean they never meant to be insensitive or hurt us in any way, shape or form. Uh, but wouldn't it be great if, if they knew, how does support you correctly?

[00:45:00] You mean? I mean, my number one, the, one of the things I always think about is, gosh, you would never think that. Letting me go to the baseball game. I know you want to go to the baseball game, really, really bad mom, but, um, I would love to be able to sit in those bleachers and watch the baseball game and not have to run after the two littles.

[00:45:23] You know, so if you just stayed at home with the two little so I could sit on the bleachers, like. That would be huge. Yeah. So, but, but I didn't want to say, can you stay home? Because, because you know, you have to go, you know, so it was, so I kind of, that's kind of how the book kind of happened. So I was writing, writing, writing, and then my husband was said, you're not.

[00:45:47] Not finishing this. Yeah. Because with my ADHD that I am. So like you add because I, when I'm done, I'm done. And so that was wonderful writing it. Thank you. And then walking up, my husband said, we're not the only way this has to be done. So he kind of. Well, I wrote it. Isn't that? The work. Thank you. Goodbye.

[00:46:10] I'm done. So then, then when I realized, Oh wait, I have to tell people about it. Oh, that's not, that's not me. And I just want to write that. Well, that's like so funny. Cause it's like, you've got the part that benefited you out. So the rest doesn't benefit you. So it's like, I think everyone does that, right?

[00:46:30] Like that's, what's hard to push through that next level to say, okay, now I have to implement the next steps. And it's like, Oh, that's not as fun marketing. That's not my thing. That's not where I, you know, that's not where I, my strength is. And so, yeah. So it's interesting how. How it changed because yes, I wrote this book to help.

[00:46:50] And then I would say to my sister, something like, yeah, I'm kind of done. He would say, well, nobody can help anyone if they don't know it's there. Exactly. Right. Yeah. Well, I think, and we all live in this world where we think. That you know, because everything is just right at our fingertips, like social media and everything's viral that you think you create something and everyone's just going to find it right.

[00:47:14] And it's going to go and everyone's going to get help from it. And like, you know, we've even done that with this podcast. And, you know, like w we, we went through a big slump and we're really trying to like, come back, but it's like, because I did the same thing. I got burnt, you know, I did it. I'm doing this because I want, when we're doing this, like talking to you, I'm like, yeah, I get pumped up.

[00:47:31] I'm excited. I can't wait to put the episode out when the work comes to like edit and market and get it all and do all that. We're like, Oh, I don't want to do that tonight. And I'm like, who? And Eddie's the one that's telling me, like, Why are we doing this? We're not doing this to chat with people, even though we're loving that part, we're doing this because we were dining at these resources out to a community that needs them.

[00:47:54] So, uh, you know, like, I don't even know why we do this. I'm like, shut up, shut up because we're doing this, first of all, we're doing this because there's a bunch of equipment that we paid for. So we're doing this period because it was free for us to do that. Well, my, my big thing is I just want to, like, I'm a.

[00:48:12] I have to be the best, right. I have to be the number one. Like I want to be the best at it. I want to do the best at it. So if the numbers aren't always there every week or something, I just get. I'll be like, why are we doing this? No one's reading, but then, then we'll hear from people. Cause you first you think like, Oh, maybe it's just my friends and family.

[00:48:27] Right? I'm sure you thought the same thing. Like maybe just my friends and family are going to read the book, but the truth is we would get, we get feedback from people who I'm like, where did this person find us? I don't even know if you live on the other side of the country. We've got more, we've got so many listeners in Germany.

[00:48:45] That it surprises me all the time. And I'm like, who are these people? Where are you? If you're listening, please, like, I'll reach out. I'm like, we're always looking to figure out like, who is listening to us. Cause we really want to connect, not just by sharing our resources, but I want to connect with, I mean, yes, and this German chocolates and German beer, we want to taste Germany.

[00:49:05] Send that to us. Yeah. Everyone has a story. And I want to hear everyone's story. I'm so interested. What kind of feedback have you had from families that have now read the book? So it's interesting. Be extended family. Like, um, Oh my God. I had no idea. Of course. Right. Like, Whoa. Um, the moms, the mothers are get it.

[00:49:34] Of course. They're like, Oh my God. Right. I've been there. Yes. I remember that. Or in fact, there's some new moms who are just starting their journey who have read it and. They, they give us a couple of them have said, like, I know now that I'm not, it's not just me because when you first start, you feel totally alone.

[00:49:57] Yeah, for sure. Which is funny. Cause I feel like, like we talked to somebody else and the disability community is the largest minority. So why do we all think we're so alone? Like it just doesn't make any sense. It's so interesting. I couldn't have felt exactly like I couldn't have felt more alone. And yet, so now when these new moms are good, starting this whole process, a few of them said, this is so good because I've been feeling this and I didn't realize, you know, um, and then you have like the grandparents.

[00:50:29] I have a, I have a few friends who have given them to their parents and, um, they'll push back a little bit. Like one of the, one of the moms said, you know, the part about. You being annoyed that you have to give us Christmas gift ideas. Um, because in the book I say something along the lines of don't ask me what my kids, my kids for Christmas, I got to worry about them myself.

[00:50:56] Oh my God. You want to buy it's? So I make, like, I make an Amazon wishlist. Now that they're a little older. I'm like, just make it yourself. But. Even like when someone's like, did you make their Amazon list yet? I'm like, no, I didn't, it we'll get it a week before Christmas. Like that's when my brain can think about Christmas.

[00:51:13] Cause right now I'm thinking about whatever. It's just like, I'll get you when I get there. It it's like a pet peeve of mine because I don't have time to make your list. I'm making my list. Right? Like, I'm not going to give you one of my good kids, any of those, a gift card. They don't care. 13. Year-olds all want the same crap.

[00:51:32] Like. And I say all the time, you know, you would probably buy something that I would never buy them. And it's awesome. That was better. And he still cool for them. Don't don't go for me. Don't restrict you from whatever. Awesome that you're actually thinking completely, actually true. Cause the, the people that don't buy off the list or don't always get them the best gifts.

[00:51:55] Yeah. It's something different right now. Yeah. Shout out, shout out best song. It's interesting because that one grandmother was like, you know, we don't want to. Yeah. You know, I'm sure you do, but I don't care. My mothers feel the same way and she still gives me, she still makes me do it. So don't worry. I'll do it.

[00:52:17] I'm just not going to promise it's going to be in a timely fashion. And it could be the socks and underwear that I was going to put in a stocking the crap on me. I'm definitely buying the good guests cause I want them to like me this week. So you're going to get all the leftover little stuff on the list.

[00:52:32] Absolutely. A hundred percent so true. So now is there anything that you would want families to get out of the book specifically? So for me, I think the number one is being non-judgemental. Cause I think the judgment piece, it's hard to be in crisis. And then on top of that, feel judged. I'm not good enough.

[00:53:00] Why am I honestly a bad parent? Because my kids are out of control, right? The judgment we put that on ourselves. We do not need that help. Um, and I feel like. Being judgmental is so easy. It's so much harder to stop that thought. So to me, I feel like that's a big deal, like live and let live. I always say, no worries.

[00:53:24] I feel like that's such a great, like, no, Larry's sorry. I didn't make dinner. You know, the kids were out of control. No worries. You know, that's a great one. Like, just give you, just give us a pass because. The same way that I would give you a pass or anyone to pass because Nope, we're not trying to be difficult and we're not trying, you know, to be lazy.

[00:53:45] Yes, yes. Or like, yeah. Total mess, you know, or forget, you know, I used to forget like forget appointments and hate. I felt so horrible. You know, like, I can't tell you how many. Eddie, how many times we miss the dentist this year, and then they're like the next appointments in four months, I'm like, come on.

[00:54:03] Just, can you just make a space open? Cause you know, I'm gonna miss this one. They get all nasty about it. And you're like, yo, I didn't, you you're totally right. I was just sitting on my ass watching TV.

[00:54:15] no, we were going, we had tons of I've missed the dentist too many times at this point. I don't know how. And then sometimes I'm like, I know we miss it. Just charge me for the appoint, whatever you're going to charge me. I don't care. I'm willing to sacrifice diapers for my kid. Just take the 30 bucks out of my account.

[00:54:32] I don't care at this point. Like it's I want to be there. Trust me. I want to get it done. That's how I made it for a reason. Yes. Like, trust me. I am trying, I feel like that's the big thing is that we are all just doing our best. And I think that. If everybody else could see that and kind of just have a little bit more compassion.

[00:54:55] And that means for the special needs community. And just in general, you know, um, just, just a teeny bit of compassion would go so far. First, I think for our, for parents, I like that. No worries. That's such a great answer for so many things and really on the flip side, like if someone just said to me, No worries.

[00:55:12] Don't worry. But I do like, Oh, thank you. Right. You just, the first thing you do is you breathe. I think. Great. And I know it's like, sort of, and, but I just noticed this dynamic, like, you know, we just had a family member pass away and I had to cancel an appointment for it. And they were like, Oh, I'm so sorry.

[00:55:26] No problem. No problem. Don't even worry about it. Now, if I had just called them in like, Hey, listen, we had a rough morning and it's just not going to happen today. They'd be like, okay, well you have an appointment. And, and I get like, I work in customer service. I get home much. It screws everything up. When you have, when someone cancels on you last minute, or no one shows or like I a hundred percent get it.

[00:55:51] But I trust don't care. And you also know that when they miss something at some point now you're realizing, well, obviously they missed for a reason now to what it is. There's a mindset. I don't remember like exactly what it's called or any examples or any examples, but like, I can't believe I'm going to do this on our episode, but I listened to another podcast.

[00:56:18] I'm even gonna say the Dax Shepard one. I'm obsessed with it. Yeah. Yeah. And he always says, I know, I love him. I talk about it. There's like a meme that I saw and it says it was like a woman talking to her husband. And it was like, I heard that shepherd podcast. It's like, that's it. I say it on a daily basis, like my therapy, but he says, I've heard him say it a million times.

[00:56:40] Like. You know, he used to like drive in the car and if someone caught in front of him, he'd be like, what an asshole. And Kristen bell would say like, she just, her mindset is different. And so she'd be like, maybe they cut in front of you. Cause they're on the way to the hospital. They have an emergency and you know what, he probably didn't, he probably just cut him off.

[00:56:58] Cause he's a jerk, but it really doesn't matter when you change the way you react to it and a more. And I feel like Eddie is more like that where like something will happen. And he'll, I haven't, I can't remember. Last time you got road rage, I'll be like, use the heart. Like I'm instant. I've like literally done like a one 80 when it comes to that.

[00:57:16] I used to be, I was bad. Like. But I think if you apply that the other way. Yeah. What did, what do you think changed kids? Really? I'm not going to lie. Like, cause you can ask my mom, like everybody like very intimate people in my life and there'll be like, Eddie was, uh he's. He would tell you he's invincible.

[00:57:37] I would do the stupidest things. There's there's things on video of me doing the stupidest thing. I can point out like when I like, when we first got together and. Those kids with the bikes. And you were like, I'm just about to fight like 12 kids. And I was like, what are you doing? First of all, they're like five years younger than you.

[00:57:54] And you're ready to like fight them. But I think that you're right. Like, it's just a mindset. Once you have kids, you're like, okay, let me take a break. Let me take a breath. It wasn't, it, it wasn't just the having the kids, but it's the having little people. Now, the person that cut me off could be somebody's kid.

[00:58:15] The everything in my life or someone's dad or, yeah, it's always stop, man. Put yourself in their shoes, like stop. So we ask all of our guests this, if you had a moment to talk to our community, what advice would you give them? So I think I would tell them that it does get better, no matter what better might.

[00:58:44] Look like, um, and I think that hope is probably the best thing in that sense, because I think that we can get so low. And I know I'm not the only one, but low, right? Like a gutter will low that, um, a lot of people not in our community might not understand, but so to be so low and to think, I don't know, you know, how we're going to get through this or, or whatever it may be for us with four kids.

[00:59:18] To see that with time and therapy and medicine, now they all have their, they, you know, we all still have our issues, but we are managing in a different way. We're not in crisis. Um, and we will again be in crisis that, you know, it, it will happen, but right now we can breathe. And I think I would have never, ever thought we would be where we are today.

[00:59:43] You know, six years ago. Yeah. Four years ago, three years ago. So I think that to me, I think that piece of advice, I don't know if I would have believed it. So also you have to believe me. Yeah. Well, I think that key word is hope like even more than, yeah, you'll get out of this. It's like refocus and you got to get your head around the fact that like, you gotta have a little hope like that.

[01:00:07] It ebbs and flows and in today is hard and, you know, look, maybe look back. A week ago, a month ago, a day ago, and just go yesterday was hard. Today's going to be easier. And then it's going to get easier. And then when it's really good and really easy, you got to go, okay. I know it's going to get rough again.

[01:00:23] So I got to be ready and, you know, get your yeah. And celebrate. Right. It's almost like celebrate those moments that are good because we still often focus on the bad. So yeah, there's a day that, that somebody didn't punch a wall, that's a good day. That's a good day. So yeah, it doesn't have to be, it can be something super little, you know, but I agree.

[01:00:48] I agree. Yeah. That's great. I love that word. Hope. I'm glad. I feel like it's like a key word to have in your arsenal at all times. So tell us, how can everyone find the book, find you if they want to connect with you? So the book is on Amazon and, um, my website is. Julie dash Val Perfect. And, um, yes.

[01:01:12] And everything's there and, um, yeah, it's, it's exciting. I think it's super fun and I love re um, I love talking to other. Parents. So, um, on my website is my email. And so anyone can email me or just a chat or whatever's awesome. I love it. I mean, I would encourage everyone to go grab the book for sure. Grab two.

[01:01:34] So you can give one to a family friend or something like that for each of your family members tell them they all got some homework. You guys can all sit down, hash it out a little book club to discuss it afterwards. So you can really understand. Discussion questions on the website. Oh, that's a great idea.

[01:01:54] I love discussion questions. I think that's great. Yeah, that's great. Because that means I actually have to read the book. And so, yeah, definitely. We always on audible. Eddie's favorite. That'll be next. Thank you so much. This was really awesome. We have to have you on again, because I feel like we could talk to you for like hours.

[01:02:15] I am having a great time. This is so fun. It's so nice. Oh, this is a blast. This, this gets me all excited, but then I'm like, yeah, this is what we're supposed to be doing for sure. This is our purpose. And then. Then in a couple of days, I'll have to do something marketing and be like, yeah, you'll get burned down.

[01:02:34] Not the fun part. I don't like this part. Right. Just shoot me a text and I'll be like, it's okay. You got this. You're not allowed to quit. We'll encourage each other. I know you guys, this was a blast. It was so great talking to you for sure. Oh, I'm so glad I really. Excited to have you on. And the only thing is it's going to be independent.

[01:02:54] I've got my lane. So another Facebook and everything like that too. Oh, we appreciate, I will. I usually will send this out in case anyone there's no pressure, but if in case anyone wants to use it, whatever, um, sound bites I make, I usually will email them out. So you have them. So if you want to use those, cause that's kind of neat too, to have the soundbite.

[01:03:11] Um, so whatever I make, I usually send out, um, this episode. I'll have to email you and tell you when it's going to come out. Cause I honestly don't know. No, like we don't have anything built up. No, we do actually have, um, no, I think we're good. So not next week. Cause we have an episode that was supposed to come out today.

[01:03:31] Um, but our hosting site got, um, actually got like. What does it hat like by hackers being held hostage because they want money to give it back to them, like full to give them like full, Oh my God, the call. I was just on that. We're done now, but the call, I was just on with those other podcasters. Yeah. The girl said she jumped ship from Bo from our hosting platform.

[01:03:57] Buzzsprout because of it. And I was like, that's so crappy. Like they can't control it and they've been so communicative and so nice. And they keep trying to like, so they have the site up, but you have to, it's like, you have to go through like a third wall, so that's protected, but I can't upload anything.

[01:04:15] And I can't see any of my staff, Scott, and then like on our website. We have a thing. So you can like listen to our show from our website and that's connected to it. And I'm thinking that you can't listen from there. Right. So I'm just like, I'm just going to wait it out. Be honest. Like we. Haven't been doing many sides in between.

[01:04:34] So I'm like, I don't think anyone's like, where's their episode. Like when it gets up, it gets up and we're going to start fresh. We're going to start doing video stuff too on YouTube. And so I'm just like, we're just going to start fresh when we start fresh and get the new episodes. So that's crazy. I feel really bad for them.

[01:04:49] They said that they're like, Whoa, basically holding the site hostage for money and in the hosting sites, like I'm not paying them. Absolutely. Yeah. And so I'm like, don't yeah. I'm like, I'll wait it out. They're doing their best to like, get things going. So I'm going to be paid and they're such a great hosting site, but so we're going to release that episode at some point this week, and then next week is a break.

[01:05:09] And then so probably the week after that. Okay. Keep me posted. Yeah, I will shoot you a text and let you know everything and I'll get you in. I mean, I'll shoot you an email and give you everything and I'll send you all the. Graphics and everything. So you have, and then if you could send me whenever you have time, no rush, because we've got a couple of weeks, um, any photos or anything you want me to use.

[01:05:30] So like, if it's a headshot or a picture of the book or anything, and I'll use all that for our graphics too. Yeah, like emailed it over. That's easy peasy. Perfect. Awesome. It was nice talking to you. Thank you. It was really nice meeting you. We'll keep in touch. Bye.

[01:05:51] Okay. You're going to eat well, thank you so much for listening. We really hope you enjoy this episode as always. Please make sure you share with a friend and leave a review. You can find all the resources mentioned in this episode, on our Facebook or Instagram on, at special about special. Thanks again.

[01:06:11] And we'll see you soon.